Ask the Rabbi

by Judy B. Shanks

How is it possible for young people like me to become involved in the Jewish community without it being a matter of equating commitment with cash?

Q. Dear Rabbi Shanks:
I am a 20-something Jew trying to become better acquainted with Judaism. This year, for the first time I decided to attend synagogue on Yom Kippur. After phoning several congregations and being quoted prices of more than $100.00 for a ticket -- an amount way beyond my means -- I finally found one temple which informed me that the suggested donation was $65.00, but I could contribute whatever was possible for me to give.

On Kol Nidre night, when it came my turn to pay, I handed my contribution to the two women sitting behind the desk. "This is what I can afford," I whispered meekly. One of the women stared at me with obvious contempt. Rolling her eyes, she said loudly, in the presence of many people, "This is kind of low!" The other woman said with a sigh, "Well, we don't turn anyone away, but..." and just waved me in.

Instead of this being a meaningful day for me, Yom Kippur evolved into one of immense humiliation and guilt. The women at the door made me feel that if I were really a good Jew, I would be willing to endure financial hardship in order to attend temple. I am employed at a great job but, as is true of many people my age, I find that after my monthly expenses there is little or no money left over. What kind of message does this kind of treatment send out to people looking to further their Jewish education? And how is it possible for young people like me to attend synagogue without it being a matter of equating commitment with cash?

-- Very Discouraged in New York City

A. Dear Very Discouraged:
We Jews now have a new context for Dickens' famous words, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times." Yom Kippur can be a soul-stirring, life-changing experience of prayer, music, community, self-assessment, repentance, renewal -- the best of times. Precisely because of its potential power, vast numbers of Jews pin their yearly (or years' worth of) spiritual expectations on this one day. It is almost inevitable that for many who get caught in the crush, Yom Kippur becomes the worst of times -- the worst time to feel welcomed, the worst time to get a true sense of a synagogue, the worst time to begin to make Judaism a more integral part of life.

I am sorry you experienced a humiliating moment at Yom Kippur, and I would wager that the rabbinic and lay leadership of the synagogue you attended would be equally appalled and apologetic. I hope you can take away at least one of the messages of Yom Kippur and forgive the hurtful comments. Don't use this one dismal experience as an excuse to turn away from your Judaism; use it as a catalyst to find the best that New York City Jewish life has to offer. You say that you want to "become better acquainted with Judaism...and attend synagogue." Fantastic! We want you! Day in and day out, week in and week out, synagogues throughout the country offer study opportunities, lectures, worship, social action projects, chavurot, singles programs, etc. Except at Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, there are no long lines at the door and no tickets required.

Most synagogues make heroic efforts to welcome and embrace those who sincerely wish to get involved. This includes offering membership subvention for Jews of any age who grapple with financial constraints. The prophet Isaiah declared that God's "house shall be called a house of prayer for all people" -- not just wealthy people, all people. Hopefully, each synagogue has developed a sympathetic, confidential, and respectful system for people to request and receive the necessary subvention. In return, each person is expected to contribute a fair and generous amount according to his or her means. No one wants you to "endure financial hardship" to join a synagogue community, but you will also not truly feel part of that community or value your membership until you make some contribution, however small but in keeping with your ability, to proudly and sincerely make sure your synagogue doors are open on Yom Kippur and every day.

One of God's many names in Hebrew is HaMakom (the place). Start now, months before Yom Kippur, to find your place -- a place where you can sense God's presence in prayer and community.

Editor's Note: Jews from ages 22-30 seeking a congregation can access the UAHC Department of Synagogue Affiliation's "New Jewish Connections" website (http://uahc.org/synaff/njc.html) or call 1-800-359-UAHC for a directory of Reform congregations across North America that offer synagogue membership privileges at little or no cost.

Please send your questions to Ask The Rabbi, c/o Reform Judaism magazine, 633 Third Avenue, 6th floor, New York, NY 10017. Senders' names will be kept confidential on request. We reserve the right to edit submissions for space and clarity.